I am so very tired. I feel sometimes that I just want to let go. I don’t seem to care anymore. I get yelled at but I don’t seem to care. The words seem to go through one ear and out the other. I try but I’m always so tired. I feel sometimes as though I can’t go on anymore, that my whole life is just a waste of time. Every day I get weaker and weaker, like I can’t get out of bed or I feel that there is a weight upon me. I try to make the best of it and be happy, for friends, family, and teachers. To show nothing is wrong. Every day I paste on a smile, everyday I’m out on an act in front of everyone I see and meet. I’m just so tired. I am empty and alone inside, I am afraid inside, this child of darkness hides deep within me and never seems to want to come out. She needs help, though she does not ask for it. Thought people ask her she just smiles her 24 smile. That pasted pathetic cheesiness of a smile that she had practiced in front of a mirror for a long time. What can I say? What can I do that will make me feel better about being here? I am so very tired. I wish that I cared anymore; I wish that I was happy. I wish that I didn’t screw everything up. I wish that I didn’t have these desires. But I don’t, I’m not, I do, and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. I’m not just writing like this because I think that it’s cool of I just want to act like a Goth, or that other people are inflicting emoting one me because they’re not. Or I don’t want people to pity me and feel sorry form me. This is all me. This is all me that I feel right now. It may be hard to understand but it is. I am always so very tired. I need to get away. I need to not cause people so much hurt and distress. I need to be happy again. I’m not saying that I cause everyone’s distress but some of it. All I can say is “I’m sorry, I’m sorry to all the people I hurt and I’m sorry to all the people I will hurt when I am gone. I know this is the losers’ way, by giving up, but I can’t tale it anymore. I am so tired; I can’t seem to care anymore. I wished that I could be happy. There’s nothing you could have done to make me not want to be with you all. You all tried very hard but I was too deep in to be saved. Know that now I am free and happy where I am and that I’m not tired anymore. Thank you all.