Entry Date: 4 February
Journal Entry: Mon Feb 18, 2008, 10:33 PM
I am so very tired. I feel sometimes that I just want to let go. I dont seem to care anymore. I get yelled at but I dont seem to care. The words seem to go through one ear and out the other. I try but Im always so tired. I feel sometimes as though I cant go on anymore, that my whole life is just a waste of time. Every day I get weaker and weaker, like I cant get out of bed or I feel that there is a weight upon me. I try to make the best of it and be happy, for friends, family, and teachers. To show nothing is wrong. Every day I paste on a smile, everyday Im out on an act in front of everyone I see and meet. Im just so tired. I am empty and alone inside, I am afraid inside, this child of darkness hides deep within me and never seems to want to come out. She needs help, though she does not ask for it. Thought people ask her she just smiles her 24 smile. That pasted pathetic cheesiness of a smile that she had practiced in front of a mirror for a long time. What can I say? What can I do that will make me feel better about being here? I am so very tired. I wish that I cared anymore; I wish that I was happy. I wish that I didnt screw everything up. I wish that I didnt have these desires. But I dont, Im not, I do, and theres nothing that anyone can do about it. Im not just writing like this because I think that its cool of I just want to act like a Goth, or that other people are inflicting emoting one me because theyre not. Or I dont want people to pity me and feel sorry form me. This is all me. This is all me that I feel right now. It may be hard to understand but it is. I am always so very tired. I need to get away. I need to not cause people so much hurt and distress. I need to be happy again. Im not saying that I cause everyones distress but some of it. All I can say is Im sorry, Im sorry to all the people I hurt and Im sorry to all the people I will hurt when I am gone. I know this is the losers way, by giving up, but I cant tale it anymore. I am so tired; I cant seem to care anymore. I wished that I could be happy. Theres nothing you could have done to make me not want to be with you all. You all tried very hard but I was too deep in to be saved. Know that now I am free and happy where I am and that Im not tired anymore. Thank you all.
- Mood:
Content - Listening to: Poe
- Reading: The Other Boleyn Girl
- Watching: The Twilight Zone
- Playing: nothing
- Eating: Rice
- Drinking: Tea
Devious Comments
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Im not okay im not o-fucking-kay
Hope you enjoy your stay.
Bye & by the way,
Have a nice day!
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Traveling across the world looking for you.
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~Walking through the clouds on painted wings~
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Could be.....
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Without Music, Life Would Be An Error°
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I
Cause I Know You're TO Lazy To Click The Icon: =Queen666
*stock ~queen-stock
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"You have so much pain inside yourself that you try to hurt yourself on the outside."
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Without Music, Life Would Be An Error°
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I
Cause I Know You're TO Lazy To Click The Icon: =Queen666
*stock ~queen-stock
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Life is a state of mind...
Thank you very much for the favorite. I'm glad you've enjoyed my poem.
Oh, and by the way, welcome to dA!
Please enjoy your stay here.
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Click for YAOI [link]
What the heck are yah' looking at!?
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
And Thank You for the Favorite.
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"How could this Backward Land,
Learn to Understand my Dance?
What is like when...
Every Single smile Hurts?
~SorryImCrazyX8 is my Groom!
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"And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer."
-Revelation 6:2
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Life is a state of mind...
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When life gives u lemons....U SQUIRT THEM IN PEOPLE`S EYES!!!!...
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"If no one can prove it, it never happened."
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Always here for you
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"Most beautiful but dumb girls think they are smart and get away with it, because other people, on the whole, aren't much smarter." -Louise Brooks
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John
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"No matter how shallow and self-absorbed you PREtend to be--"
"Excuse me? There is no pretense here! I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow."
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